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Reflections on Monogamy


IIt’s been a very interesting year for me. Most of my readers know that I’m a very sexual person. Monogamy with a partner was never a desire of mine. I had previously often described my desires as looking for one perfect guy to have three ways with for the rest of my life. A partner in crime, if you will. But over the last twelve months something has definitely changed. I think probably the first sign of this was at the Black Party in NYC.  This party is probably the largest fetish party in New York and I was really looking forward to going. But when I got there, it was more interesting than wonderfully sexual.

I’ve had the privilege to be able to go to some of the great kink events in the world, but the Black Party wasn’t one of them.

Living in New York for a year I came to realise that there is a deeply puritanical side to America. While NYC is a wonderfully cosmopolitan city, the gay community is made up of a number of people from other places. People who move to NYC are often looking to break out of Middle America for life in the big city. The problem with that is that they bring their inhibitions with them. It’s not that these boys are less kinky than in other cities – but it’s the way that they approach it which is fascinating. At Hustlaball in Berlin you can have a bunch of horny guys downstairs having an amazing time – with some twink being gang fucked in a sling while people watching approvingly and enjoying the atmosphere. There’s a sense of fun. Perhaps even kinky joy.

The distinction with Americans is that they are often getting off on the fact that kinky sex is forbidden or naughty. It’s a really interesting difference – the fact that it is somehow ‘wrong’ is part of the appeal. They want kinky sex to be sleazy. While it’s hard to generalise, it is interesting to see the distinctions between the Black Party in NYC and Hustlaball in Berlin  – the former is about being dirty, naughty, kinky and sleazy, the latter is about having fun, and fucking your brains out with a lot of other people. For me, the Black Party in NYC was where I first became aware of my desires to have kinky sex that is fun, awesome, well lit, with awesome people. I just wasn’t getting off on the sleazy atmosphere at Black Party, or the dark room which was insanely crowded, badly equipped and completely lacking in any sense of joy.

Meeting PB (Perfect Boy) was another change. He’s phenomenal, and the sex is so incredible that very early in the relationship I actually had to stop and ask myself whether I was in love with him because the sex was so awesome. The truth is that the sex is so mind blowing because I’m in love with him. He’s such an incredible man, and the fact we are sexually compatible is just the cherry on top.

So it might shock my readers, but it’s time to confess I haven’t had my cock in any ass other than PB’s since the day we met. Now this isn’t because I’m not allowed to. If truth be told, this blog is one of the reasons we got together so he’s always known since the day we met that I’m a very sexual person. He’s said he is ok with me fucking around when we are apart. But I just don’t want to. The reasons behind this aren’t necessarily logical – if I fucked someone else it wouldn’t change how I feel about PB, but I like the fact I haven’t had my cock in any ass but his perfect butt. It makes me feel good. It makes my connection with him feel stronger. It makes me hornier to see him again. It means he is more often in my thoughts as my dream boy. I’m not arguing that PB is the perfect boy for everyone – but he’s the perfect boy for me.

Now I’m only human and because we are living in separate cities at the moment, I’ve had my cock in a few throats, and I’ve had my hands and toys in a few butts. But I really like having something that’s just between us. This isn’t to say I’m ruling out fucking other guys in the future – he hasn’t asked me to stop – but it’s not a priority for me. And that’s fascinating to me – because it challenges certain notions I had about myself.

I always saw monogamy as something that I saw that needed to be negotiated my way out of. The idea of becoming monogamous when we are living in the same city is incredibly attractive to me. It’s weird fantasising about your own boyfriend. I’ve dated wonderful boys before – who ultimately I felt weren’t right for me – but I’ve never felt so instantly and completely attracted to someone as I am to PB.

PB has quite rightly reminded me that I don’t get brownie points for not fucking other guys – and I’m not expecting them. This is about how I’m feeling things that are new to me. And it’s magical.

I went along to the Trough party at Club 80 last weekend. It’s a kinky dance party, with fisting, bondage and flogging happening upstairs while people dance downstairs. Some hot boys, with some hot action, and I just wasn’t feeling it. I saw one very hot boy plough another in Room Six, and while it was objectively hot, it wasn’t actually a turn on. I definitely had a feeling that I’ve been there, done that, and don’t need to do it anymore. It was yet another crystallisation of a change that means I’m no longer attracted to having anonymous sex. If I’m going to be blown or work over a cute ass, I’d rather being doing it in an environment where we can have some laughs and get to know each other rather than doing it in a dark room. Sleazy anonymous sex, in whatever form, no longer holds an attraction for me. If I’m going to work you over, I’d like to know your name, your backstory, what you are into, and other things that make you human. I want a connection. I don’t want a hot ass I can barely see in a dimly lit crowd.

Once again my sexuality has shifted – and surprised me.

I’m going to be really interested in seeing how things go with PB when we are at events together. If we are making out on the dance floor of a party and someone starts rimming our asses while we make out then I’m going to be really curious to see my reaction to that. Will I regard it as an imposition on our connection or will I regard them as just human sex toys that are assisting the boy I love and I to have a good time. I’m really not sure but I’m thinking I might see it as an imposition. Yet something else to discover.

So here’s to the final frontier to a kink boys like me – Monogamy! 🙂

Now don’t get scared loyal readers – I’m still going to be tying boys up, stretching their holes and fucking some throats – at least while PB and I are living apart – so you’ll have lots of things to look at on Soxster.  But those boys will be people I have gotten to know.

Just know that when PB and I are finally living together you might have to put up with tales of me making love, fucking, tying up, working over and cuddling an amazing man, over and over and over again.

And if you get bored with that – I won’t give a fuck. 😛

I’m so in love with him that I’m even sickening myself. Break out the anti-nauseants.  😉

One Comment

  1. So jealous of PB!