A few of my friends and playmates have been a little critical of my response to Slave M cancelling his session (see the post on May 29 “Good help is so hard to find”). The consensus seems to be that I should have gone easier on a bi-boy who was reaching out to have a good time – and that I should have been more understanding.
I absolutely appreciate that Slave M was making a real effort to try something new. And I totally understand how daunting that can be. If you haven’t been fucked by a dude before then offering to be the houseboy to a BDSM expert is a big step.
I guess my problem with this is that Slave M went from agreeing to try a session (for well over a week) – to expressing reservations and then cancelling within a few hours. I certainly should have worked harder to build a rapport with him and I should have insisted on a phone call first, but I guess what irked me was that he cancelled rather than saying he wanted tone down the session or just meet without playing.
It’s totally ok to be uncertain. We tend to see uncertainty as a bad thing or a sign of weakness. I think that we tend ignore the fact that uncertainty is part of having an open mind. Of seeking out new facts. It should be considered a good thing.
Asking questions is something I admire in boys – wanting to understand what is involved from both a metal and physical perspective is an important sign of maturity.
Power in a democracy sits with people who are swinging voters and don’t blindly vote for the same party election after election. People with open minds make new discoveries and challenge expectations. If you prefer chocolate milk to strawberry – you don’t have to always have chocolate. You don’t need to have an opinion on everything right away – take your time to learn and make up your own mind.
So to people out there who are considering having a BDSM session don’t feel that it is a black and white situation. When Slave M realised it was too much for him, he should have had the confidence to admit he was uncertain and suggest another course of action. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing – there are a number of option. Agree to meet up just to talk. Agree to limit activities to something more limited. Any decent BDSM master will work with beginners to make them feel comfortable – particularly for the first session. You don’t need to try everything at once – just agree somewhere to start.