I really enjoy hearing about the first experiences that boys have.  I’ve been talking to a British sub named Alex (n-uksub) who is a regular visitor to Australia who I am planning on working over when he is next in town. I asked him to write about his first BDSM experience – and I’m very glad I did. It’s always a pleasure to work over articulate boys who can express what they are feeling and who leave themselves open to the very emotional side of BDSM. For being so open and honest in his story, I think it is only fair to reward him with a very hardcore session – that I look forward to documenting and sharing with you all. So consider this a teaser!  🙂

This was my first BDSM experience with a top who lived in the UK. We had chatted online for a while but not very long. Not long enough to trust him but driving over to the meeting place I felt like I did. I had not met him and yet was being compelled to drive there. My head was flashing warning lights but still I drove.

He had told me to go to a car park and wait. He said I would know who he was. I sat and waited for almost an hour. My head said drive away but I was stuck on the spot. My stomach was whirring. The most uncomfortable yet the most exciting experience I had ever had. My heart was pounding. A car pulled up. It drove away. Another pulled up. This one stopped. Parked near me. He had told me not to look for him. Just to sit with the window wound down and shut my eyes as soon as a car arrived. That is what I did. I felt vulnerable, exposed. I sat. I heard a door shut. Nothing happened for over ten minutes. Was it him? Had he seen me and left. Then I felt a hand grab my crotch. Tight. Firm. I didn’t know where he had come from. I felt embarrassed as the first contact and I went hard immediately. I wanted him to stop holding it or I would explode. I guess he knew that. I felt feeble not being able to control it. He laughed gently. “when you hear the car door open your eyes. Your choice – follow or go”. The door closed and my eyes opened. He was driving a large old car but I couldn’t see him in it. It started to move. A text came. “if you follow when my car stops shut your eyes again and wait for a text message- you must not see me”. It was time for me to make my decision.

I pulled off in the car. His indicator signalled left. Without hesitation mine did the same. Left at the roundabout, right at the next roundabout then left at the next road. A text. Wait in car but park at the front. It was an apartment block set back in a small garden. He drove around to the back and I stopped still at the front. I sat and waited. Every couple of seconds I looked at the phone. Nothing. Maybe he had changed his mind. My heart felt like it was going to explode. My groin was aching. I had never felt so confused. Then common sense kicked in. I switched on the engine and started to move away. Then, text. I stopped and pulled in again. “Come to main front door and buzz flat. Come up. Second floor. Door will be open. Shut door. Strip. Put on the pants that are there waiting for you. Then kneel on all fours facing the front door. DO NOT look behind you”. I was panicking now. I have never felt my heart beat so hard. I don’t know what happened next as it feels like I blacked out. I don’t recall getting out of the car, or buzzing the flat, or walking upstairs. If I had been conscious of it I am not sure that I would have done it. My first recollection was being on all fours in the flat. Vulnerable, almost naked but not quite. That is when the smell of the flat kicked in. A lovely familiar smell that would feature on and off for some years to come.

I sensed someone standing behind me. A warm hand stroked the length of my back. Then whack. A hard slap to my ass. I let out a hard breath but didn’t not moan. “Good boy”. Then I felt a cold chain around my neck. A leather strap clicked into place. The cold chain draped down my back. It made me shudder quickly but then settle. I had my eyes closed tight but then. Then a blindfold over my eyes. I could open them but couldn’t see anything. All I could do was sense him. Feel him. Smell him. But not see him.

I was led on all fours to another room. He pulled me up and there was a bed. I was laid out face down on all fours. Then some more leather straps. One to each arm and ankle and the now familiar sound of a chain clicking into place. He told me to kneel. I didn’t think I could but there was some slack. Whack. This time it wasn’t a hand and it hurt much worse than another. Then a stroke of comfort, then a whack. I hadn’t experienced pain before so was struggling. I pulled tight on the chains – wishing with all my being that I could get free. Whack. Another comfort stroke followed. Then whack. I could feel the chains straining as I pulled them as tight as I could almost in defiance. Then I stopped. I gave in. Relaxed. Slipped down. Whack, whack whack. These were as sharp as the other ones but felt different. I wasn’t fighting them. I was accepting them. “Good Boy” – a very strong affirmation this time and a hand went around my head to pull me close to him. As he did this I could feel tears going down my face. I wasn’t crying as I had before, just tears flowing. This confused me. I didn’t know what I was feeling any more. He set me back down and then there was silence.

Some time passed and I rested in my place. No longer trying to get away. A bizarre sense of peace and safety. Yet I barely knew this man but was willing to allow him total freedom. I think the reason was that I didn’t need to know him- all I needed to know was that he knew me- could read me- sense what I need and what I want to give. As long as he could do that and well then I was safe.

I sensed someone back in the room. A cold gel was rubbed on my ass. Then the finger covered in gel was rubbed into my anus. It probed in gently at first, then harder and deeper. More gel and I could sense more fingers. I was tight so didn’t think much was get in but he carried on. I struggled again. He tilted my head up and held a bottle of amyl to my nostril. “breathe deeply” – I took some in. “more”. He said it with a firmness that drew some fear from me so I breathed in as deeply as I could. My head was spinning- I couldn’t sense what was going on. My brain connected with my ass again and this time he was being more vigorous. I was more accepting which pleased him. Without warning something was pushed against my hole and pushed right in. I fell onto the bed flat. The sharp pain and speed I had never experienced before. I didn’t know what it was. Some form of large plug or something. Whatever it was wasn’t coming out soon.

He came and lay down next to me. He pulled my head towards his. I could smell amyl again but this time I wasn’t breathing them in. Suddenly he started to kiss me. Held my mouth tightly next to him. He breathed into my mouth. Poppers from his mouth into mine. I breathed in but he would not let me pull away to breathe out. I held on for as long as I could and then it was gone. I breathed straight into his mouth. Again I thought he would pull away but no. He breathed it straight into my mouth. This went on for some moments. Each breath getting shorter as the quality of the air diminished. As hard as I tried he would not let my head pull away. He would decide. Without warning he pushed my head away. I gasped like I was breathing for the first time. My breaths were short and constant. Without warning his hand cupped my mouth again and it was him and only him I could rely on to breathe. If I struggled I would get no air. I relaxed and complied. Leaving it for him to decide when and if I needed to breathe. This was an amazing feeling. My head was spinning. Getting amyl this way seemed to go to my head even faster than normal. I felt out of control. I felt safe.

Once again he left me. The room was silent and still. The smell of the room gave comfort. I knew he as not too far away.

This gap seemed to last for a long time. Then I heard the click of his front door. Then silence. He had gone. Here I was left strapped to a bed of a man I didn’t know, in a flat I hadn’t been to. No one knew I was there. I wasn’t expected back any time soon. My head kicked in- never in my life had I been so stupid. My heart and groin kicked in- never in my life had I felt so degraded, so vulnerable, so sexual, so safe.

I was confused. I thought I could hear a noise but he had gone. Must be my mind tricking me. Then the room door creaked. I started to panic. I felt a hand on my ass. Another on my back. They felt different to his. Harder skin. Then I felt two more hands and then want seemed like to two more. I wanted to get away. I don’t know where he had gone and what he had done but this wasn’t part of the deal. A hand spanked me. I didn’t accept it well. I was there for his use not for anyone’s. This didn’t feel right. I pulled on the chains but what was the point. I wasn’t going anywhere. The plug was pulled out of my ass then thrust back in. This was repeated several times while some other hands stroking my back. I was tense and anxious. I didn’t feel relaxed. Then I was pulled back and someone was in front of me. My head was pushed towards them. My face found their groin. A hard cock and large balls. “lick them”. I didn’t so my head was pushed into them. I licked. Not with the enthusiasm and commitment I would normally but because I had been told to. Then out of the blue in my right ear. “Good Boy”. The words changed me completely. He was here. I knew what I was there to do. He had decided that I was there to please these people and I concentrated on doing that. Not for them. For him. I can’t recall much of this bit to be honest. I locked the fact that he was there in my mind and did not want to disappoint him. I do recall being unlocked from the straps and made to lie on my back. My mouth was held open. One load. Then another. Then another. I swallowed it like it was the first meal I had had in ages and it was made of the things I liked the most. A few moments after the door clicked again.

This time there was no delay. He came back in. He unclipped me completely. All chains and straps removed. He was on the floor and having removed the blindfold beckoned me to him. He was sitting on a towel. He lay my head in his groin and started to stroke my scalp. He told me I had been good. Was pleased with how I had been willing to do what he needed me to. He then pushed his cock into my mouth and told me to hold it still. I did. It felt like a long time and it was only semi hard. I was confused as I did not know what he wanted me to do. I soon knew. He held my head tight as a stream of piss trickled into my throat. I held it for a bit not sure what he wanted me to do. My mouth was so full I had no choice but to swallow. Good job I did because then the stream just got stronger and constant. I struggled to swallow as quickly as it was coming. I let a small amount drop out- a hard slap to the face came quickly. I did not let that happen again. No sooner had the piss stopped he held my mouth still and thrust at it hard and fast. I thought his thighs would crack my chin. Before long I was swallowing what mattered the most. I did not come to his knowing I would get to do that. I knew, however, when I had swallowed the loads of others that it was his I wanted to be the lingering taste in my mouth.

For the next period, I don’t know how long it was, he just held my head in his lap, stroking it. I had never felt more special and yet I had been used for his pleasure and for my need. To have found someone who could read me like that was a real privilege.

I went into a state of semi-sleep. Before I fell off completely he nudged me. Smiled and pointed. My clothes were there. Within a few minutes I was dressed and had left. I sat in my car for at least an hour before leaving. I had no idea how that had happened and how I had found him, but I was glad that I had because I knew that my life, my experiences and my needs, would never be the same again.

I am not looking to replicate this. I couldn’t. I would have to be at the same point in life and experience. In some ways I am further back than this as he took me a long way but that is some time ago.

Writing this down has only gone to show me just how strong and intense a link I had with this man and how deeply into me he was able to explore. Our connection happened periodically over 6 or 7 years. During that time he took me to parts of my head and experiences in my body I did not know were possible. I have never trusted anyone like I did him. Each one of the experiences clearly marked in my mind and all I have to do is think of him and the same feelings take me over. He moved away and while that was hard to deal with, I did. If I was to say that I didn’t miss him and what he brought I would be lying. I miss him and it incredibly and have never felt quite so complete. I have had odd experiences since but none driven by a connection,  trust, a knowledge, an insight.

Every master is different and has their own way of bringing the best out of a sub. He thrived on taking me to limits, watching me struggle with them and got the buzz from the compliance and trust when I finally gave in and accepted what was happening and enjoyed it because he had decided it was what I needed. My submission and acceptance after resisting initially was what clicked.

If I could replicate one thing it would be incredible – the sense that someone could read me, extend me, challenge me but protect me, I would value it above all things. I know there are so many things I have not experienced and places I have not explored. That sense of being known and understood in a world full of symbolism and falseness, is more powerful to me than anything else.

I really love the phrase ‘a world full of symbolism and falseness’. I think that this slave has shown that good BDSM isn’t about play acting. It isn’t about playing dress up games in leather.  It isn’t about role playing. It is about exploring sexuality, humanity and connections between people. I’m looking forward to our session.