Well, well. A few if you are quite bitchy, aren’t you? In response to my question about what a boy could put up his ass I received a few suggestions – some of which didn’t so much answer the question but rather recommended parental retraining. Every family is different, and I’m not going to presume to interfere with a boy’s relationship with his mother, but for completeness here are some of the answers – many submitted via the forum on asspig.com:
Visit a candle shop. There are lots of shapes and sizes. Buy three or more. One of them should be of the desired shape and size and the others should look good in a group with the specially selected candle, but should be of sizes and shapes that one would never use in such a manner.
He could put a lock on his door. Then again, “My house my rules”, so Mom and Dad are in control. If he has that much of a challenge finding places to hide and use his “toys” he could always get his own place or go in with a group to share the financial responsibility.
Get a pet dog and use the various doggie bones. Like a NYLA bone. Many are heavy thick plastic.
Water bottle, wiffle ball bat.
Maybe…at 18 he should learn to clean his room. When mommy finally stops wiping his ass, he might even get a little more privacy. Evidently the boy is on the internet. Perhaps he should be the one doing the research. Even if he doesn’t find the perfect stealth toy, at least he would gain some useful research skills.
The day my mother found a rubber under my pillow (she was washing the sheets) was the last time she stepped into my room uninvited. From then on I washed my own linens. I ran my own vacuum, washed the windows, even painted the walls right in front of them. Lucky for me she did not look in the closet. Once they knew I would take care of it, that was less for them to do and the parents left it be. I did pick up a strong lock box and kept all my “stuff” in there. I kept the box right out in the open too so they knew that I would be on to them if they even tried to tamper with it. They used to ask me what I had in the box. I would counter with “what were you doing snooping in my room?” and I would finish the conversation with my will was in the box. They never blinked an eye when I brought home a very very expensive stereo (with earjacks) and put it in my room. They also never touched it. Also as soon as I could get a part time job I gave them 10% of my wages . It creates a rental /landlord situation that gives a sense of privacy. What we don’t know here is if this 18 year old guy is out of the closet to his parents? If yes he should be able to keep a dildo in his room discreetly tucked away. If a parent finds it and has a problem then it’s a privacy issue.
I would not suggest many of the items that have been proposed here. If the guy is freaked out about a dildo how is he going to handle a possible trip to the ER to extract something he has been playing with that suddenly gets sucked in and can’t get it out. Do NOT put anything up your ass that doesn’t have a base to keep it from going in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whatever is used at his stage of the game should be pliable and not hard. My feeling is to also NOT use plastic bottles/containers of any sort. You can get a bad reaction from the chems in the plastic especially when it gets warmed up. Stick w/ a dildo or butt plug and PLEASE PLEASE remember about an attached base.
The quickest way for him to get his mum to stop treating him like a child is for him to start acting like an adult with her. Have him ask her to show him how to vacuum the carpet/mop the tile/sweep the hardwood or whatever kind of floor he has in his room. Ask her to teach him how to wash his laundry. There will be something intimate he’s going to want to wear that he doesn’t want her to see soon, plus he’s going to need to know how to wash his laundry whenever he goes off to college or moves out on his own anyway. I guarantee you she will have a “my little boy is growing up” moment when he asks.
I agree with the lock box idea and I used similar tactics in college to keep my privacy with roommates. Here’s one with a combination lock, big enough to hold a 17-inch laptop and comes with a cable that could be used to secure it so his parents can’t walk off with it:
He does need to either grow up to earn his privacy or get a big lockable trunk. Which he just needs to explain it’s his stash of porno or rubbers “in case he gets lucky” or some other idiotic excuse that any parent will see right thru. All parents have a hint or idea unless he is porking a girl they will suspect. For useful info, get a bunch of golf, tennis, baseball, softballs. Shove them into a extra strength rubber, followed by a good wrapping of generic plastic wrap or saran wrap (this step is required cause the rubber will break if pulled on too hard) then followed a another rubber over it all for a smooth surface. Lube up and insert push or pull out. Hint: get disposable trashbags and cut them open to lay on to catch the shit. I assume he does not douche at home does he? Then after playing unwrap and put all the disposable bits on the trashbag roll up and toss at school or away form home trash can cause mom or dad will investigate some strange plastic wrapped odd looking piece of trash in the trash bin. not to mention the family dog will dig it out of the garbage can too. So much work just to get off!