I’m delighted to welcome Prongs to Soxster as a new guest columnist. In this first article he describes himself, but let me reassure you that he’s definitely tall, dark, handsome…and straight. We’ve been discussing kink and I know you’re going to love hearing about his insights, exploits and discoveries:
Hi it’s me. A straight, 29 year old never-quite-was-a-twink.
Maybe I’m not who you’re expecting to see on this blog… But I’m embarking on a bit of an adventure into kink and BDSM, and the fine folks at Soxster have asked me write about my journey.
I’m someone with next to no knowledge, but I’m GGG as Dan Savage would say, and with the guidance of a certain wonderful Soxster regular, I’m looking at putting together a series of blog posts that add up to a series of how-to articles charting my somewhat intimidated, but extremely excited journey into the world of kink.
The most regular contributors to this blog are well versed, but you’re talking to someone who’s going to guide you from go-to-whoa. Or should that be go-to-oh-Oh-OH! (It shouldn’t. I’ll stop the sex puns).
Until recently, the closest I’d been to BDSM was accidentally giving someone a hickey and then painfully dragging a credit card over the burst vessels in their neck to clear the bruising before they went to their customer facing job.
(Hot tip, this actually works! It’ll make your neck red AF for about 15 minutes, but it rids you of the bruising to the point that a touch of concealer is all you need to no longer look like a horny teenager attacked you. Or a horny 29 year old. Whatever.)
Ok… So maybe I’ve done a little more than that. I’ve played some kink with past partners. I mean, who hasn’t engaged in a little light choking, some spanking and a bit of buttplay? Other than the Puritans, Minerva McGonagall (Although McGonagall can LITERALLY turn into a cat, so you’d want to think she puts that to good use. Plus she’s stern AF. Surely she’d want to sub to escape) and obviously my parents, who only had sex 3 times and even then only ever for procreation. (Sidebar: I do actually hope my parents have a fantastic sex life. That I never have to witness.)
So I’ve played a bit, but I’ve just never FULLY engaged.
But who am I? For context, I identify as male and straight, and I’m polyamorous. Poly lifestyle is relatively new to me (yes, yes, I have “the ethical slut” and yes, you were right, it’s actually fucking life changing) and it’s been incredible. Even though I’ve only begun practicing poly actively in the past year, I feel like it’s always been true for me. I remember being in my first serious relationship at 17, falling in love with someone else, but being no less in love with my first partner… and confused when this seemed to be a problem.
Poly life suits me… Maybe because I’m a performer by trade. I’m needy! I hear that Roxy Hart line in my head sometimes when I think about my wonderful partners “I’m loving them and they’re loving me and I’m loving them loving me – and all because none of us got enough love in our childhood”. Which is mostly facetious, though honestly, with the amount of phone calls that have ended with me saying “I love you, Dad!” only to hear a dial tone in response, it’s a small wonder that I haven’t developed more of a Daddy thing.
I feel very safe with all of my partners. Safe to be the goofy idiot I am. And that’s a big part of why I’m taking this journey at all.
I have pretty stunning vanilla sex with all of my partners, but two of my partners are super into the kink scene here in Melbourne (which locals tell me is beautiful and vibrant, and for some reason they keep emphasising that it’s definitely better than Sydney?). My other partner is game AF, so we’ll be having a play too. Fun!
At the time of writing, one of them only had recently revealed their kinky side to me. I could tell she was nervous. She seemed worried that I’d reject it? Reject her. But when you’re this in love (and this GAME), there’s NO chance of that.
So in the face of this new information, what else was a caring, curious partner to do but to call my friend the Dungeon Master? As I know that not all of you necessarily have access to a Dungeon Master, I’m hoping these blogs close the gap a little for you as we journey into what my brand new mentor and dear old friend calls “the dark arts”. I’m not sure if he knew he was making a Harry Potter reference, but it tickled the hell out of me… not like that.
I won’t lie. It’s hugely intimidating at the outset. Still is. It’s scary and hard to feel like a noob. To have no idea what the difference between a Daddy and a Dom is, and to not know your floggers from your paddles from your electro (which I only tonight discovered is a thing, and makes the 8 year old science geek inside me (not like that) so happy in one way he understands and a whole other way he absolutely doesn’t yet).
Luckily for me, I’m a Gryffindor. For the non Harry Potter crew among you, this means I’m brave, and more than a little shameless (In case my 3 different references so far, including an analysis of the potential kinks of a Harry Potter character didn’t make it clear, I’m also a huuuuuuge nerd). This combination of bravery, shamelessness and neediness seems to have set me up to enjoy my exploration into BDSM… Even if I’m freaking out.
Honestly, the biggest hurdle is psychological… I’m talking about the feeling of inadequacy. I like to think I’m good at sex – and that I’m pretty worldly. So to find out that I had not one, but two partners who were relatively active in the kink scene definitely threw me. It hit my fragile toxic masculinity for 6 a bit (is this how sporting metaphors work? I sing and dance for a living so I’m not sure).
So I’m tackling it the only way I know how. With knowledge, and with the support of some brilliant friends, my wonderful partners and the folks over here at Soxster!
Here’s hoping you want to come on the journey with me! Feel free to hit me up with any questions on my brand new FetLife account @Prongsridesagain!