Shared with permission: Advice Bismuth offered the rest of the Soxster Boys to help guys who feel like they don’t fit into the gay scene or have a label that sums them up right  (find him on Twitter at @bismuthbusiness)

“Labels give you a vague description of what the packet may contain. It’s no guarantee you’ll like the taste just because it’s called something. I love beer, but not all beer. The label could say beer but there are some I’ll skoll without it touching the sides and there are others I’d pour down the sink. So if any of you feel like no one likes you, you’re just not marketing yourself to the right audience. No one cares more about your own issues, insecurities and perceived deficiencies than yourself. Others don’t notice or don’t care.

Getting back out into gay world after a long term relationship broke down sucked. I didn’t know where I fit, I didn’t feel hot and despite being a top found I just couldn’t manage to organise a root in a brothel (even though I get told most cities have too many bottoms). What I will say is that Soxster parties and events like Chunk and stuff at the Laird made me realise that there were guys out there that loved what I had to offer. They were all a great confidence boost and made me remember that sex can be fun and relaxed. I realised the biggest thing getting in the way of my sex life was me and my attitude.

I felt defeated and awkward and hence that’s what I was selling. I was selling beer in a wine market.  So learn to not get so hung up on getting a no, being ignored or being blocked. It happens. Don’t dwell on it, move along and find someone that actually makes you feel good about yourself and who’s buying what you’re selling. Life is too short to not know your own worth, to not have good sex and to not feel like you’re a top notch beer even in a wine market.”