There is an old joke that says something along the lines of “20% of men admit to masturbation and 80% are liars”. I suspect the percentages for that joke have changed over time and that most people now admit to masturbation as it has become seen as a normal part of human sexuality.
The film “Damon and Hunter – Doing It Together” is a documentary about a gay couple who talk about their sex life, how they met, and then have sex on camera. It was actually shot on film which is great. It’s definitely worth a look. The film makers were a heterosexual couple and the husband said that one of the things that he found interesting about the gay couple he filmed was that they were entirely comfortable masturbating themselves in front of the other during sex, while they made out or did other things. For many heterosexual couples, the thought of a man masturbating himself as part of sex may not be seen as desirable – and indeed may have been seen as a failure by his partner. I think that gay men are a little more advanced in that respect and that we are generally more comfortable pleasuring ourselves in the presence of our partners.
However, I though it was worth reflecting on a few boys who I have met during my life who were not into masturbation. In one case it was driven by the fact that the guy (who was in his late teens at the time) preferred to get off with other guys. I think that this actually led to him having far more sex than he otherwise would have. He hit the beats at the beach near his house and had a lot of sex at university. My concern was that he was having more sex than he actually wanted to just because that was the only way that he was getting off.
Another guy I know was in a situation where he couldn’t have sex for a few weeks and bemoaned the fact that he wasn’t sure his balls would be able to carry that kind of weight. When I asked the obvious question and asked why he wasn’t pleasuring himself, he responded that “I don’t blow solo – it’s a waste”.
I cited to him the classic campaign by L’Oreal that says “Masturbation – because you’re worth it”, or something like that.
I’m not saying that people have to masturbate, but I am saying that people should be able to have that as an option – and that if they have a mental block against that, then they need to get past that. I think that masturbation really is sex with someone you love. It’s all about your own pleasure and fantasy. I think it is really important to be able to take the time to focus on yourself and enjoy. It is an activity that is entirely about you – and something that we should all have the option of enjoying. And that applies equally to people who are single and those in relationships.
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