I’m pretty patient with people who are interested in playing, but every so often someone comes along who can annoy me. The following exchange occurred on Recon with a young guy who had viewed this blog, and who I had talked to about what a beginner session involved. My problem with his attitude was that he just didn’t get that BDSM is about more than a collection of acts. It’s about building a connection. He made no attempt to get to know me, or what my attitude is towards BDSM – he obsessed in trying to get me to detail what would happen to him..
yeh but can you walk me through it on here now first? on how youd go about this jsut i like to be prepared and no what im on for and that we are both on the same page
There isn’t that much to tell – we would meet up and then i would blindfold you. I then do some bondage work and other kinks with you. First session is nice and relaxed.
yeh but what bondage and kinks would you do….
Any requests? It depends on your reactions.
gah i jaut want you to walk me throguh what you would plan and then i can make adgustments etc so we are on the same wave length
I’m not sure you are ready for this. My blog has plenty of examples of what I do and my philosophy when it comes to kink. I understand that the loss of control can be daunting but that’s part of the point. I think you may be looking for a level of specificity about our session that it isn’t possible to provide.
no all i want to know is what would fuckign happen in the sesssion to see if its something id enjoy want to try but you cant do a simple things as to tell me what sort of thing s youd actually do
When you decide you want a session, please get in touch. But me providing a ‘step by step’ summary of what we will do isn’t appropriate.
hows it not appropriate i want a session i jsut want to know what will happen in the session before i come to somone strangers hosue to do it
I think you are breaking down the session into a series of acts. That’s not how it works – it is about establishing a connection and ground rules and then going with it. You get a safeword – red – that stops the session (and then you leave). But part of the fun and excitement is submitting, and not just coming over and having me work through an agreed list of activities
no im not asking for that at all yes i would look to no the thigns you do do etc so i do know what they are but it doesnt mean youd do all or what not! it is jjust simply to see if the things your interested in doing are the things im interested in explorign to save us both the time and effort! its not that hard to get seriously
So for all the other subs out there who are thinking about getting in touch:
1 – BDSM is about more than a collection of acts. That’s only part of the experience – the more important part is the nature of the relationship you have with your dom. Focus on building that relationship.
2 – If you demand a blow by blow account of what is going to happen then you destroy the ability of a good Dom to monitor your reactions and give you a good experience. Two way communication in a session is essential. Being spontaneous is essential.
3 – Take the time to observe things that your Dom has created. Whether it is photos, videos, blogs, etc. then you should take the time to understand what their philosophy is. If you aren’t sure what it is – then that’s where you start – not with a list of activities.
4 – If you are talking about specific acts with someone, then ask then about how they build a connection with then. For example, do they spank in anger, for fun, erotically, to hurt, etc.
5 – Talk about whether you are after a ‘one off’ or building an ongoing relationship.
5 – Good spelling is sexy.
