Another question from a reader.
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Hi there Soxster!
I actually write to you for guidance because i’ve enjoyed reading your posts, and you seem like a nice man with sense in his brain 🙂
I’m from Denmark (if you know where that is?). I’m 25 and I currently live with my girlfriend.
I’ve always had some gay tendenciest, but now that we moved in together and time have passed the urge have grown a lot stronger. It’s not that we dont have great sex – its just like theres missing something. Besides our sex-life our relationsship is great.
I’ve talked to a gay couple that have wanted to fuck me for over a year now, but i’ve hold back. They are quite hot! so it’s getting harder 😛 Me myself im 178cm, 78kg, blond and blue eyes. I guess u would call me a twink 🙂
I can’t decide wether or not to give in to my urges, behind my gf’s back and just get to taste their hot cocks and let them plow me, like i dream of. What do you think? Should i go and check it out behind her back or should i tell my gf that i want to get fucked by men?! I’m a bit afraid of both, because i have a feeling that the urge for men and cock will just grow stronger if i get a taste for it – if thats even a bad thing?
After i’ve seen and read about fickstutenmarkt, I just know that’s something i HAVE TO experience before i get old. It’s just too hot!!! I ofc want to go as a mare. I saw the event a long time ago, but after reading your experiences, my mind have just been filled with the thought of going!!!
This mail might seem strange to you, but i hope you will take to answer me 🙂
Yours Christian
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Let’s start off with the most important point first. Yes, pretty much every Australian knows about Denmark. We Australians tend to be more internationally aware than, say, Americans. The population of Australia is only twenty million but you’ll find us all over the world. Tourism is one of Australia’s biggest industries and it runs at a net loss as we spend more getting out of the country than other people do visiting us.
But of course the other reasons Australians know about Denmark is that an Australian is now a member of your Royal Family. While the Queen of Australia (who is also Queen of England and a few other countries) is interesting, the Australian link means the Danish royal family and your country gets quite a lot of coverage in the glossy magazines.
I will write you a detailed response. There is a lot to consider.
But before I do, a couple of questions for you – have you had any experiences with guys? When you were younger?
Is your interest in women more romantic and with guys more sexual? Eg. When you think about guys, it’s about the sex rather than falling in love?
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Thanks for answering my mail so fast 🙂
When is was about 18, and still lived at home, i went to see 2 guys, who should have their way with me, but nothing happened, besides me being naked with them. They were nice, and knew i maybe wasnt ready.
After that nothing happened for a while, besides a lot of fantasies. Over the course of the years i have performed oral on 2 guys. But that was when i was single.
Yes my interest in women is much more romantic and my interest in guys a purely sexual – i dont know if that could evolve tho.. But its definitely about sex when i think of guys.
When i watch porno i rarely watch straight porn anymore. Usually its BB porn with a element of domination im into.
Thanks for taking your time with me 🙂 I appreciate it.
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Have you had much experience with anal pleasure? Do you finger or dildo fuck yourself? Has a girl ever done it to you?
Have you ever tried sex with a dominant women? If so, how did you react to that?
Can you tell me a little more about the two guys you visited when you were 18? Were they waiting for you to make the first move?
How old is the gay couple you’ve been talking to? Older than you? Do you want to submit to older guys? How about guys your own age or younger? Or not attracted to that?
In terms of the porn to watch – is it generally with older guys or guys your own age?
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Yes, i often play with my ass when i’m alone. I use both my fingers and dildos and yes, my girlfriend have done it to me. It’s our sextoys.
My girlfriend have tried to be dominant on my request, but she’s not super good at it. I loved it, but would like it a bit harder. But im not into heavy spanking and such.
They where in their fourties i think. Not that hot, but had nice cocks i saw pictures. They demanded that i stripped naked when i arrived, but after that they kind of waited for me to take the next step. After i got home i was kind of angry with myself that i didnt make a move. But i just couldnt at the time.
The couple i’m talking to now are in their start-thirties. I generally is more turned on by older guys. They have an authority about them. The couple i’m talking to now are actually a little young to my liking. I really want to submit to older men. In porn the best thing is gangbangs of young twinks getting used by hot 40-60 year old men. Too hot when you see them pound the twinks ass and see their balls slap against the boys ass. I’m not that turned on by guys at my age or younger.
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I play with quite a lot of bi boys in relationships with girls. Sometimes their girlfriends know and sometimes they don’t. I’ve talked with girls about what their boys get up to with me. I’ve even fucked boys in front of their girlfriends to satisfy their curiosity as to what we get up to. There is no end to the scope and variety of human sexuality and I find it fascinating.
Humans like to categorize things – it helps us understand the world and put things into some sort of perspective. I think that’s one of the reasons that people often find it hard to accept bi-sexuality. Because there are differences between men and women it is entirely legitimate for bi sexual people to prefer certain activities with men and other activities with women. Some bisexual people will argue that they fall in love with a person rather than a gender but many bi guys are like you – they have different things they want to experience with different genders or age groups. Both approaches are entirely valid.
I’m not going to tell you what to do – this is a decision you will have to make yourself. But I can tell you a few things that you might like to consider when you decide where to go from here.
In circumstances where I’m talking with bi boys I’m always tempted to make sure that they aren’t confusing the sexual freedom that comes from fucking around with uninhibited guys with their main sexual preference. For example, I have one boy who would rather be fucked by a girl with a strap on but because the only realistic opportunity he has for that is with a prostitute then he has decided to give men a try as they are a cheaper option than paying out money. Often bi boys see gay men as sluttier and more horny than women – probably true.
So I’d like you to take time to reflect whether your desire for domination by a man is actually because you prefer to be dominated by a man or whether you see it as a more realistic option than being dominated by a woman. From your questions and answers I think that is probable that you truly are into being dominated by men more than women but that’s something you need to be absolutely clear on.
If you are considering playing with a gay couple then there are a couple of advantages to that. The first is that the pressure is off you because you can always watch them play with each other and join in when you feel comfortable. The second is that because they are in a relationship then you will know that a romantic relationship probably won’t be possible. It means that it will be about the sex and establishing a fuck buddy relationship. It also means that if your girlfriend was to find out about it then you can reassure her that it was sexual rather than romantic.
You might decide that sex with men should remain a fantasy. Something to think about and turn you on. The reality of sex with men will absolutely be different to your fantasy. Whether better or worse than your fantasy, it certainly won’t be the same. That’s worth keeping in mind. Fantasy isn’t the sole prerogative of people into men. Imagine you had a massive recurring fantasy of having sex with three women – one sitting on your face, one sitting on your cock while a third fucks you with a strap on. It would be possible to make that come true – you could hire some girls and make it happen. I’m sure lots of straight men have that fantasy – so why don’t people go and do that? Probably because they want to stay faithful to their partners – so the fantasy remains a fantasy. There are no hard and fast rules about when to make a fantasy into reality – it is a decision you need to make yourself.
There are a number of possible outcomes if you explore sex with guys. The first is that you try it and decide that it was fun and that you enjoyed it but that the reality means that you decide it isn’t worth risking your relationship for. The second is that you decide it’s something you want occasionally – and that you can fantasize about it I’m between the rare times you get fucked. The third is that you decide that this is so important you want have yourself fucked senseless by many partners on a very regular basis. Fourth, you decide to try and have a relationship with an older gay man who can make you his slut whenever he wants.
The fantasy of being used by an older guy or guys is actually a pretty common one among bi boys. The fact you aren’t particularly attracted to guys your own age means that you realistically aren’t really interested in dating guys which puts you towards the straighter end of the bi spectrum. I don’t think an ongoing relationship with a man in a romantic manner is probably what you are after. So that leaves you with the option of regular or semi regular sex with guys.
I’d encourage you to consider the feelings of the guys you play with. There have been many guys who have fallen in love with bi boys looking for fun with guys. So make sure you are clear on what you are after and don’t lead them on. Lucky for you there are plenty of gay guys who are turned on by the thought of fucking a ‘straight’ boy so you’ll be fine.
So what would I do in your situation? This is clearly something you have been thinking about so I’d probably suggest that you play with the couple you mentioned. Plan to have a couple of sessions with them. As you relax the sex will become better. Remember to stay vocal so they know what you are feeling. Agree a safeword. Have a good time.
If you haven’t been honest with them, then I would take the time to explain that you haven’t done this before, that you want to be discrete and that you want to take it slowly. Be clear about what you are looking for and what you want to try.
Before you get fucked make sure your ass is ready for it. You’ve mentioned that you have some experience with toys. You need to have trained your ass with fingers, dildos and other things to ensure that you can take a cock and take it well. Practice with toys that are bigger than a large cock – you need to get to the point where you have confidence that your ass can easily take any cock that is pushed into it. Your first time should be amazing and this will help. Particularly important if you are going to have two guys tag teaming your ass.
Given your attraction to women and your girlfriend, I don’t think you should be looking at this in terms of a lifestyle choice at this stage. Have some fun and decide if it is something that you see as an ongoing part of your life. You need more information and experience before you think long term.
From my other experience with bi guys I think the end point for you is probably that you might end up in a committed relationship with a woman and very occasionally and discretely get fucked senseless a few times a year by a regular fuck buddy or a couple that you trust. This prevents you from feeling trapped and being denied cock – while remaining largely true to your girlfriend who would be your romantic partner.
The difficulty in providing definitive advice in this situation is that you haven’t actually done anything yet. A few experiences will give you context and perspective.
Just remember that sex is more than about physical acts. Trying some activities with men will give you a deeper understanding of both the physical sensations and the emotional connections of sex. You need to work out what you want physically and emotionally from guys.
You didn’t write to me saying you wanted to suck a lot of cock. You specifically mentioned domination – which requires trust and a level of connection. This means it is probably unlikely that you will be going out trying to have sex with a large number of random guys. Finding someone or a couple you trust to play with is likely to give you the best sort of sex that you are after. Have someone who regularly pushes your limits.
Timing is also an important consideration. There isn’t any hurry to do anything. If you don’t feel like you are ready then wait. If you feel like you can’t wait a second longer then go for it. You need to feel you are ready.
It looks like the best scenario for you would be to find a guy or couple who would be willing to be your fuck buddy and work you over a couple of times a year. See how that goes.
If your girlfriend knows you are into ass play then it might be easier to tell her that you want to experiment with guys. You will know whether she would be open to this. My advice would be not to tell her until you know more yourself about what you want.
The fact you are attracted to older guys makes any conversation with your girlfriend in the future both easier and harder. The fact you aren’t into guys your own age means that she will realize that she doesn’t have any romantic rivals which might make it easier. But I think you need to be very sure that you have confirmed that you can be confident that is the case.
In relation to Fickstutenmarkt then I think it is very safe to assume you aren’t ready for that yet. When you have been fucked a lot of times then you can always reconsider it then. Go with a friend who can keep an eye on you and watch you get slammed and filled with cock after cock. Or go as a top and enjoy the pure spectacle even if you don’t fuck anyone. It’s definitely an experience.
And if you are ever in Australia then I think I should definitely arrange time in my sling for you. I always have time for Danish twinks. One of my ex-boyfriends had a Danish father so I have a confirmed attraction to boys of danish descent.
Finally, although I am a vicious bondage master on request, I am definitely also a romantic. Love is ultimately more important than sex. If you have found someone to share your life with then you should value that over a few hours of sex. Making love with someone you care about will ultimately be more amazing than vicious kinky sex. Don’t let the familiarity of love making with your girlfriend fool you – never take it for granted.
Let us know what you decide to do – and if you do play with that couple you mentioned, then get them to take some pictures without faces and send them to us. Love to see a photo of that first cock in your ass. Get tested for sexually transmitted infections regularly – you don’t want to risk passing on anything to your girlfriend. And enjoy the process of learning more about yourself – this is an adventure of self discovery. To quote Mark Twain:
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”