I had an interesting session a few months ago that proves that things can go wrong – even with an experienced master such as myself.
I was invited by another master to help work over a hot young guy. This boy had a reasonable level of experience and liked rough leather sex. It is unusual for me to play outside of a location I am in control of. Normally it’s at my house, at a hotel room or venue I have organised.
The session went ok. The boy was really hot with a really great body and perfect ass. But afterwards I found out that the boy was less than happy. Apparently he found out afterwards that his nipples had been badly bruised and cut up during the session and he was understandably very annoyed.
I wasn’t playing with his nipples, the other master was. During the session there were a few times when he was having his nipples played with when the tone of his moans definitely changed. But because I wasn’t the one working his nipples it was difficult for me to tell if the reaction was valid – were they being tweaked or seriously worked over beyond what is reasonable.
The other master was a switch – sometimes topping, sometimes bottoming. In my experience, switch masters can sometimes be a little dangerous as they assume that what turns them on also turns other people on. They assume other boys have similar pain limits. They judge a situation based on how it would feel if it was happening to them rather than monitoring the reactions of the boy. Projecting, rather than empathising.
So what culpability do I have and why didn’t I stop it? Well I was in someone else’s house, participating in someone else’s scene, working over a boy that he organised. I didn’t want to contradict him or imply he didn’t know what he was doing. It’s hard to tell in a dimly lit room how hard someone’s nipples are being worked over. Plus I didn’t have any proof the boy wasn’t able to take it.
So whose fault was it? I’ve thought a lot about it and my conclusion that everyone was to blame, including me.
The bottom boy should have made his expectations clearer and said clearly that he was past his limit – changing the tone of his voice may have been enough with a very intuitive master but much better to remove all doubt.
The master playing with his nipples should have gone easier, applied common sense that young nipples are more sensitive than his own older ones, monitored his reaction and sought feedback.
I should have stepped in. Although I couldn’t be sure, it was clear to my ears that something wasn’t quite right and I should have asked him what he was feeling.
It is a good reminder that in BDSM most boys are into pain, but normally as an expression of submitting to another man. For most boys it is the combination of horniness and pain that creates the desired outcome. When the pain goes too far, and overwhelms the horniness, then that is too far for most boys.
Most boys want mild pain. I’m not saying it doesn’t hurt, but I’m saying that for the best results it’s generally mild pain enhanced by a blindfold or a feeling of helplessness to level where the sensation is a combination of pleasure, pain and a mind fucking rush of endorphins and power games.
However, there are some boys who are pain puppies. Guys who love to get hurt and who like serious pain. However, these are generally in the minority – particularly among younger guys. The problem is that most boys who think they fall into the second group are actually fall into the first one. The first group want pain while feeling horny. The second group want pain to the point they can’t feel anything else – in that moment they aren’t horny, submissive, slutty – they want to just feel the clarity and focus that comes with pure pain – that takes people outside of themselves.
Good masters make allowances for this. They watch the reaction of the boys carefully – and try and judge their reactions.
I should have listened to my instincts and told the other master to lay off. I could have done it in a number of ways – including non verbal ones that didn’t make him look bad in front of the boy.
So AB (you know who you are) please accept my apologies – and rest assured I’ve learned from the experience. It’s a good reminder that I, and any master, shouldn’t take part in sessions unless I’m willing to pause the sessions and ask questions. Good sex involves always learning. This session taught me something new – sorry your nipples were the pawns.
